The Phrases shared by My Father That Rescued Me as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - going on a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."